Insane? Me?
by drookit duck
Summary: Set after Angel S5 finalle. Buffy wakes to find that her two vampire lovers have returned... and chaos ensues
1. Chapter 1

Insane? Me?

_A.N.- This is set post-season 7 of Buffy and season 5 of Angel. Basically it's a few weeks after the final battle in Angel. It's going to be one of those could be long, could have only two chapters kind of fics. I'm not promising speedy updates, but if feedback is good I'll try to update weekly. Please enjoy and tell me your views...or even your nickname or the name of your pet...anything!_

_disclaimer - Joss Whedon, the fabulous creator of Buffy the vampire Slayer and Angel owns the characters, as does the Mutant enemy title, and I think Warner Bros. I don't own the characters, although I do own lots of pictures of James Marsters...but sadly that doesn't count. Damn! If I did own any characters I would be happy. Seen as I'm not, I can't lay claim to any of them. I got at least two (I'm not sure... possibly more, can't be bothered counting) chapter titles from Harry Dresden quotes, written by Jim Butcher and apologise in advance for my awful grammar._

_Hani xXx_

Chapter 1 - early morning surprise

Buffy crawled out of bed, pulling the duvet off with her to wrap around her shoulders. She groaned, why was there someone knocking on her door? What kind of cruel weirdo knocked on the door of a Slayer who'd just got to sleep? What kind of fucked-up lunatic wanted to piss off a Slayer with superhuman strength?

The knocking grew louder and more urgent, Buffy reached the door and yanked it open.

What kind of retarded moronic freak wanted to-?

"-Spike?" Buffy gasped.

But Spike simply fell through her doorway, unconscious from exhaustion onto the floor. With him fell an also unconscious and severely wounded Angel.

Buffy stood, stunned.

"Is that-?" Dawn had appeared from her bedroom, Buffy nodded before her sister could finish what she was saying.

From what she'd gathered from the now conscious but totally crazy Spike; he had been resurrected from death as a 'spook' and then made 'bloody corporeal by a patsy with an ego trip and an evil hand'. He had then been living, and working , with Angel in 'this big evil Lawyer company'. After a war, he'd woken up to find he was one of the last survivors, except for 'the crazy blue bitch who'd buggered off to play god somewhere else' and his 'bloody poofter Grandsire', Angel. Spike had then made his way towards Buffy, dragging along the unconscious Angel, and had eventually slipped back into babbling insanity through starvation and exhaustion. Angel had been unconscious for the whole time.

At present, Buffy didn't know what to do. She had Angel lying on the bed in one room being nursed back to health and Spike chained up in the other wailing about seeing things. That and she also had her assigned troop of S.I.T's to train.

She called Willow.

Willow promised to come as fast as she could.

Buffy told Willow to come faster than that.

Dawn told Buffy that it was very rude to say that.

Buffy apologised to Willow and kicked Dawn, telling her to do her homework.

Dawn stuck her tongue out and went to talk to Spike.

Willow promised to hurry.

Buffy hung up the phone and went to check on Angel.

It was all very hectic.

"Willow's coming." Dawn informed Spike. Spike looked up from the shackles, "She'll heal Angel and then we can help you."

Spike clasped his hands around his head, "I don't need help." he said indignantly.

Dawn smiled, "I know, Spike."

Spike looked up and inspected the shackles on his wrists and ankles, "Don't need chains either." he said, "Been there. Done that." he dropped his hands to his side and tried to stand up.

Dawn went to his side and knelt beside him, "Don't get up." she said.

Spike sighed, "Why does this always happen to me?" he asked.

Dawn shrugged, "I don't know." she had been so happy that he was back and not dead, but seeing him like this made her feel so bad for him. "You should eat something." she said.

He shook his head, "What's the point?"

Buffy walked in and took Dawn's arm.

"The point is that Dawn has homework and shouldn't be in here." she said. Dawn scowled at her and left.

"She was just talking." Spike said, defensively, "I didn't hurt her."

"I know." Buffy said, She handed him a glass of heated blood. Spike didn't drink it.

Willow turned up as soon as she could. She got out of the taxi (with Kennedy, naturally), to be grabbed suddenly by a very haggard looking Buffy.

"Thank Gawd you're here!" Buffy said in exasperation, "They're driving me mad!"

"The Slayers in Training?" Kennedy asked paying the cab-driver.

"No, the _vampires._" Buffy said, a little too sharply.

"Oh." Kennedy looked confused, "Thought you'd be used to those by now." she said, heaving her and Willow's bags from the trunk onto the pavement (sidewalk).

"Not vampires; General." Buffy said, "Vampires; Specific!" she looked exhausted.

Kennedy frowned, "Specific?"

"Angel and Spike." Willow explained. Her girlfriend made an 'oh' sound then continued to look confused.

"I thought Spike was dead."

"He was." Buffy said.

"But-"

"Now he's not."

"You mean he survived?"

"No!" Buffy sighed and slapped a palm to her forehead, "He came back. Now he's insane again."

Kennedy stopped for a moment to take this in, "Spike came back insane?"

Buffy made a growling noise in her throat before turning away to lead them to her apartment.

"Take that as a 'no' then." Kennedy thought aloud. Willow smiled at her lover, and squeezed her shoulder before taking her own bag after Buffy.

They entered the apartment to the sound of wailing. Buffy ran to check on Angel, shouting back hurried explanations to her new arrivals that he could be awake. He wasn't.

Spike, however, was crouched on the floor, still chained to the wall, moaning. Dawn was sitting at a nearby table watching him.

"What's he doing?" Willow asked, a little disturbed.

"He's been at it for about 5 minutes." Dawn said, she turned a page in her magazine despite the fact that she hadn't even glanced at the previous page.

"Why's he doing that?"

"I don't know." Dawn said, "He's been a little weird lately."

Buffy entered the room, she mentioned that Angel was still unconscious then joined the others in staring at the phenomenon which was Spike.

"Does he know we're here?" Willow asked.

"I don't think so." Buffy said, she walked over to the distressed vampire and laid a hand on his shoulder, "Spike?"

Spike jumped and looked up. "Buffy. Buffy's here. She can see you."

"Huh? Of course I can see you, Spike."

He shook his head as if to clear his vision, "Where have I been?" he asked.

"Here, Spike. You've been here...well most of you has been here..." she trailed off and looked to her friends. "See what I mean?"

"What a fruit-loop." Kennedy sighed, she left to put her's and Willow's stuff away.

"No...not me. I don't mean that." Spike was talking to himself, "I mean where were _you_?"

Buffy sat down awkwardly beside him, "I was just outside, getting Willow, see? You remember Willow?"

Spike looked up to Willow, "Hey, Red. Here to see the show? Gramps is in the next room if you want to help him... he wouldn't wake up..." Spike trailed off and stared instead at the floor.

Buffy lifted the now cold glass of blood, "He still hasn't fed?"

Dawn shook her head, "Nope. Not even for a Scooby snack."

"We need to get Angel well again and then we can work on Spike."

Spike looked up when his name was mentioned, "Yeah...I can wait...concentrate on Angel...he won't wake up..." he gazed into space again.

"It's creepy when he does that." Dawn said as they left the room, "He was like making total sense then he goes all...distant."

"Yeah," Buffy agreed, "But he's right. He can wait. Angel needs help first."


	2. Rise and Shine

Chapter 2 - Rise and shine

After much research (this wan't too much of a chore for Willow Rosenberg, she'd always favoured the research side of their usual excursions) they finally settled on a spell to awaken Angel. He'd been in a sort of coma for days now, possibly weeks, they had no idea how long it had taken Spike to reach them. Being a vampire, Angel would be able to survive the wounds, but first they would have to revive him.

Willow had come complete with supplies (just like any run-of-the-mill action-figure wicca should) so the spell was easily set up.

It was pretty ordinary as far as spells go; a few petals, a large amount of stinky animal intestines, a pentagle of candles, a twig and a daft sounding ritual mantra which sounded oddly like 'Oooh camel, camel, camel.' but was no doubt spelled, 'Owah K'Amell'. There was a small amount of thunder, the lights snapped out and Willow suddenly went into overdrive and started chanting words which were not in the book.

But, of course, the important thing was that Angel woke up. The slightly less important thing was that Spike saw some kind of wild rat run across the floor and attempted to have a conversation with it. His attempt failed and he vowed never to speak to said rodent again.

Unlike Spike, Angel accepted blood with ease and soon he was able to walk around. In fact, if he had ever wanted to, he could have skipped around...but that would defeat the purpose of being the ensoulled brooding type that he was.

Buffy and the others, including Angel, were now set on the task of bringing Spike back into the world of the sane. But, as Angel pointed out on several occasions, this proved difficult because Spike had never really had both feet in the world of the sane in the first place. He'd always had a toe over into insanity territory.

They tried unchaining him, but he was too weak to get up. They tried talking to him, but he never made enough sense to get a decent conversation out of. And finally they decided that magical assistance was perhaps called for.

And this is how the whole crazy business started.

_A.N.- wow, that was one short chappie, huh? My humble apologies :) But, please review?_

_Hani xXx_


	3. Insanity Junction

_A.N.- Thanks for the reviews people, and as a special award, I'm keeping my promise and updating! I hope you enjoy. I'll do shout-outs to the people who reviewed on the next chapter because my computer's acting up, so I'll post this now before it crashes :) Thank you all again, and yes...there is a slight possibility of Spangel... but I'm not too sure when, why and how graphic it'll get. If you want to read some really good Spangel fics check out my favourite stories on my profile coz I've read some fantastic ones!_

_Illyria might come into this fic... I'm not sure yet. :)_

_tschus, Hani xXx_

Chapter 3 - Insanity Junction

Willow had the book. Willow had ingredients. Willow had back-up ingredients. Willow had secondary back-up ingredients. Willow was sitting in front of Spike (who, by the way, was topless for effect), holding a candle with a purple flame. Buffy had rope in case Spike needed to be restrained any more...well, that and she liked rope. (yay, rope!) Dawn had a packet of potato chips. Kennedy had tissues for Willow in case of a nosebleed. Angel had a scowl on his face. And Spike, well, Spike wasn't really too sure what was going on.

The chant began...the chant came to the middle part (which, by the way, did not include the word 'Camel' in any form), the chant came to a close and... Nothing happened. Spike sat there quite placcidly, watching the people surrounding him.

"Spike?" He looked up, his face thinner than natural.

"Buffy."

"Are you feeling any more...sane?"

"Ask the rat." he said quite seriously, "He's sitting over there laughing at me."

They all turned to eye the rodent who was sitting nibbling some cookie crumbs.

"It should have worked." Willow said, flicking through the pages of the book, "He should be sane..." she paused and placed the candle down, "Maybe I pronounced it wrong."

"Or maybe, this is just Spike." Angel said he walked over to his Childe.

Spike looked up at him and smiled, "You're loving this, aren't you, Angelus?"

"It's Angel, Spike."

"Oh...well where's Angelus?"

"Angelus is locked away."

"Can I see him?"

Angel scowled and told the others to leave, they did as instructed. Angel sat next to Spike who moved away from him.

Angel felt a little hurt by this, but said nothing.

"You saved me." he said.

Spike looked at him earnestly, "You wouldn't wake up."

"I know. And if you hadn't...did what you did, I would be dust."

"So... what? You're gonna thank me?"

Angel looked into Spike's blue gaze and spotted what he'd been looking for. He dealt Spike a hard slap across the face. The younger vampire hit the wall and slumped down barely conscious. Buffy and Willow re-entered, startled by the noise and both gasped at what they saw.

"What are you doing!" Buffy ran to protect Spike, but Angel pushed her aside. He crouched down over Spike's body.

"I am Angelus." he whispered darkly into the younger vampire's ear, "I know you're in there, Spike. Come out. If you don't, I will punish you."

A small whimpering noise signified Spike's consciousness, but this was soon smothered when Angelus lifted the smaller vampire up against the wall as far as the chains would allow.

"Come on, Spike. Fight for yourself!"

A strange power seemed to suddenly shoot through the blond vampire as he suddenly lunged for his grandsire. He punched Angel square in the jaw and then battered him in the ribs before falling to the floor once again.

"What just happened here?" Buffy and Willow were confused.

"He needed to be forced back into sanity." Angel said, holding his ribs, "Only Angelus could force Spike to do anything."

"You mean that that was-?"

"No. That was the small part of Angelus that I can control." Angel looked at them seriously, "I needed to let that loose when Spike had a moment of sane thought."

Buffy went to Spike's side. He was panting needlessly and looking around as if he'd just realised where he was and he wasn't quite sure where it was.

The problem, of course, was that the spell that was attempted by Willow was wrong. She'd misinterpreted the meaning and had accidentally unleashed a force of magickal enegry. However, nobody knew that at this point and they were all much too busy anyway.

Willow and Kennedy had went to 'sleep', Dawn was 'doing homework' (which roughly translated means watching tv in her room), and Buffy, Angel and Spike were in the kitchenette. Spike had fed a little and was letting the blood run through his body. Buffy was fussing over whether or not the scar on Angel's back was fading and Angel was casually keeping an eye on his Grandchilde who was still weak, but would not admit it. However, Spike was back to his sarky, snarky self and had so far insulted Angel's sexuality as many times as was possible in the ten minutes that he had been in the kitchenette. And had also asked for alcohol, a request which had been refused and then ignored.

What none of them were aware of was the growing magickal energy which was loose in the Summer's residence. And craziness was about to ensue.

You see, this particular ball of magickal energy, unlike other mystical mixes of energy, was like a powered-up version of the 'Will it so' spell which Willow had once caused much chaos with in her college years. However, this magickal presence would grant the wants of anyone in the room who had the largest desire... It also had a personality problem (yes, balls of energy are capable of this) and this particular mix of energy also liked to grant whatever was said that could cause chaotic consequences. So, basically, this ball of mystical energy was out to cause trouble... and it would succeed in this.

_what do you think?_


	4. Looneyville

Chapter 4 - Looneyville

_AN - sorry for not updating in so long. Got a new computer and had to wait on broadband etc :) Please read and enjoy _

_Hani xXx_

"Spike, out of the way." Angel said as he entered the small living room area of Buffy's flat. The Slayer had left for a training session with her Slayers in training, and everyone else seemed to be enjoying the sunlight. Spike had been sitting on the sofa watching random programmes for about an hour now. Angel had now decided that it was high time that he too got to watch some TV.

"And what if I don't?" Spike asked insolently, keeping his eyes trained on the television. Angel grabbed Spike from behind and pulled him violently off of the couch. Spike snarled as he stood and sat on the other side of the sofa.

"What are we watching?" Spike asked, lifting the packet of potato chips and taking a handful.

"WE are watching nothing." Angel said, grabbing the packet of ready salted from the younger man, "And you should be eating something more substantial than crisps." He said.

Spike laughed, "You said 'crisps'."

Angel sighed, "Don't flip again now, we just got you sorted."

"No, it's just you're usually so… American," Angel raised an eyebrow, Spike continued, "despite you being an old Irishman."

"Well, you're an old Englishman." Angel said….slightly childishly.

"Yeah, well at least I'm no prancing fairy."

Angel grabbed the younger vampire by the throat so fast that Spike was actually taken by surprise.

"Stop that, Spike." Angel said, so annoyed that he was pressing extremely tightly on Spike's throat.

Spike smiled in an annoying way and Angel lessened his grip. The younger, bleached blond vampire laughed, "You always were so bloody quick off the mark." He said, still laughing.

Angel frowned at his Childe, "And you were always so annoying." He reached into the packet of chips to find they were finished; he gave Spike a dirty look. This sent Spike back into hysterics.

The laughter seemed to be catching, as even Angel smiled. Angel didn't laugh often. He turned to Spike, who had now turned his attention to the television, but still had a curl of a smirk at the corner of his beautiful mouth.

"Thanks for bringing me back to her."

Spike shrugged, "Didn't exactly have another place to go, did I?"

"You can't have her, though."

Spike blinked and turned towards his grandsire, "And what makes you the decision maker there?" he said.

"Spike, you can't have her. She's mine, she's always been mine."

Spike laughed, but not from humour. "I'll have you know that what me and Buffy have is very special and what you and Buffy had is old-hat."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Angel demanded, feeling anger rising.

"It means that we had more fun and that you're the same boring old poof that you always were."

Angel grabbed Spike once more by the throat, this time not so tightly, just enough to hurt.

But Spike laughed again. "Bet you never used handcuffs." Spike said. Angel tightened his grip, forcing Spike to keep silent.

"One thing you never learned, Spike, was when to shut your mouth." Angel said angrily. He bent down, closer to Spike; so close that his breath brushed Spike's face. Angel looked down into Spike's blue eyes and saw a fear there that he hadn't seen in an age. Spike was terrified, and it wasn't of pain.

Angel found himself compelled to lean closer, he wanted to taste Spike's pale, pale skin; to sink his fangs into his neck and drain the stolen blood from his veins. He wanted to run fingers through those golden locks and kiss those tender lips. He leaned in closer, letting animal instincts take over. Spike shuddered, completely aware of what Angel was planning to do. He managed to position his arms so that his hands were gripping the larger man's shoulders and shoved him off as forcefully as possible. Angel went flying into the air and hit the wall, sliding down. Spike stood up and brushed himself off.

"I'll think you'll find, Angel, that I'm not yours anymore," he leapt the sofa and headed for the door, "and neither is Buffy."

Angel stood up slowly, gawping after Spike in awe. "What the hell?" he thought to himself, "Where did that come from?" he shook his head and headed into the kitchenette for a drink.

The ball of magickal energy cackled silently above them, the tension between both vamps had been deliciously thick; it had enjoyed battling them against one another…. Now for more fun.


End file.
